IT’S NOT LUXURY, IT’S CARE FOR YOURSELF! How to learn to rest during the war WITHOUT GUILT? Podcast
Friends, hello. My name is Yanina Sokolova. This is our traditional podcast, every Saturday. Please watch it. Even if you usually watch our political and social videos on this channel, take a look, it will lighten the atmosphere in your head.
Bohdana Valigura is next to me. Today we are talking about a topic that is extremely relevant to me. I think it's for you too.
How to learn to relax and how to learn to love yourself not in a narcissistic way, but in terms of what you need to help yourself, help yourself live, and fill yourself with resources. How to do it? You ask, Yanina, if there is no time, war, constant stress, well, you can do it if you want.
We will talk about this today. Ah, Bogdan, I'm glad to see you. You know, I have a problem, I'm really talking about it this is n't the first time. I don't know how to relax.
So this is some kind of terrible problem that I have to fanfare about here now. I learned to deal with this problem. And I overcame it with a four-day vacation at sea this season.
I am proud of myself because this is a completely different person who entered this sea and came out of it. I went, I was alone, I went to the beach at 7:30 in the morning.
Don't think I'm out of my mind. I just had cancer, so I generally don't tan in the sun. And I don't really advise you to. But I went in the morning when no one was there.
The sea, me, the sand and the feeling of just being high. In short, I became a different person. My, uh, anxiety syndrome is gone. Ugh.
Not for long. Now I feel like he's recovering. But, ah, but it really disappeared from my mind. Jokes are jokes. I feel completely different.
But before that, I felt guilty, of course, that I was there, people were fighting here, the guys didn't have demobilization deadlines. Well, in short, there are many problems.
Plus B. I'm skipping, we need to work. We release videos every day, but we would like to shoot something more, because I continued to work there. What about my children? That is, a rich spectrum of experiences that accompany relaxation.
What does this say? And what would you say to those people, like me, who are watching this broadcast right now and, well, someone says: "There's no money to go anywhere." Someone says: "I don't have the strength to go anywhere anymore, I'd rather stay at home and lie down." And what does this give at the output? I am generally an ambassador of conscious self-care. And I've been talking about this topic, I think, since the beginning of Covid.
We must understand that taking care of ourselves is not a whim, not a luxury, but rather our direct responsibility. In order for Yanina Sokolova to provide a quality product and take good care of her children, Yanina Sokolova must be in good health.
Ugh. Because when Yanina Sokolova is not in a good mood, I think the children notice it, the employees notice it, they don't want to do the work and everything else. And so every person should understand the need for rest.
I've been talking about the topic of physician burnout for a very long time. And I have one of my favorite phrases: "A dead doctor is a bad doctor." So a dead mother is a bad mother. But we must realize this too.
that without taking care of ourselves we cannot perform our functions. If I'm not rested, not in the sense that I have to be at the spa every day or something, but simply if I'm exhausted, I'm a bad therapist. If I'm a bad therapist, I don't get paid much.
If I'm not paid enough, I can contribute little. Yes, that is, we must understand that taking care of ourselves is our responsibility, including as a conscious citizen, so that we can not get so far away from the news that someone passes some bad law and so that we can keep our finger on the pulse. That is, self-care is such a complex issue that it helps us truly live our lives consciously.
What about these emotions? Guilt and shame for resting. Well, firstly, this is also a consequence of the post-Soviet society, where the five-year plan is in three years and everything else, where you have, you're just like a little cog that has to work for wear and tear, and then everything will be fine. And I don't know about your childhood, but in my childhood, a temperature of 38 was not an excuse not to go to school.
Well, that's nonsense. Now we all understand that sending a sick child to school is bad for the child, bad for the children around them. We are ruining the lives of ourselves, our children, and our mothers, who will then have to sit with other children who will get sick.
This is called a conscious approach to life. And then it was like this. We grew up in this and were raised in a context where you have to completely fulfill all your needs and give it your all at 350%. And that's why we have the level of alcoholism, male suicides, a bunch of mental disorders and everything else.
But taking care of yourself is the foundation of the foundation. And when our society understands this, by the way, the genzi understand this very well, that is, they are young, fantastic, they, for example, do not take on unnecessary work. It's a millenial, we can wipe ourselves out there, because we need to earn another $50 or something.
But Hanse, they have already grown more conscious, they know how to take care of themselves. They can say, "No, I don't need that. I'll earn a little less, but I'll be fine." And this is very interesting.
So I think it's a generational change. She will help us with this. How Moses wandered in the desert for 40 years, not because he couldn't find a place, but so that the generation of workers would die out. Yes, and in our country, over time, the generation of slaves will be replaced by those who love freedom.
For example, in Poland I'm curious that they made a four-day work week. This is interesting. This is interesting. And it's interesting that I noticed that they work from around 7:30, meaning they wake up very early and finish early.
That is, there is no one there on the 17th. Well, I'm talking about construction work, some purely technical work. How you spend your time on vacation, yes, the quality of that vacation, affects the energy you take away from it.
What, in your opinion, is a quality vacation? That's how psychologists, uh, what helps your nervous system recover and come to homeostasis, that is, to balance. For example, today we have a thunderstorm, but at the same time, carcasses are flying.
I think even if someone slept all night, they would still wake up wrinkled. Yes, because your brain is basically listening anyway, whether it's an arrival, a thunderstorm, and the like. And the nervous system is under tension.
Quality rest is when, after resting, I feel that I have strength and that I start to think that I am interested in something again, I want to do something, I have some inspiration. But we must understand that fatigue is not alone.
We've somehow become so used to it that we get tired and exhausted. Fatigue can be physical, cognitive, emotional, or social. These are all different types of fatigue.
And we can, for example, be at home and lie on the couch, but at the same time, I don't know, we watch the news, which really exhausts us and we don't get any rest. Or you sit on your phone, scrolling, and it's not rest, it's information fatigue at this moment in parallel.
That is, we need to understand why I'm tired, what exactly is happening to me. If I have cognitive or information fatigue, then going to the gym can be a good way to relax, because you will emotionally relieve yourself and feel better. If you are physically tired, you can read a beautiful book, for example, I am currently reading Snyder's Freedom.
It's incredibly difficult to read because it's intellectual work, but physically I rest because, for example, I don't have intellectual fatigue. That is, we have to understand what is happening to me.
This requires, again, uh, developing sensitivity towards oneself. Absolutely no one taught us this. How do I feel? What's annoying me now? Because, for example, social fatigue is very common.
Yes, that is, we constantly communicate with people. I always emphasize that the average Kyiv resident today comes into contact with as many people, if he is not far away, of course, as his great-grandmother came into contact with in a year. Well, the brain can't handle it.
Some people are okay with this, and some people are not. And we have to feel it and take care of ourselves in the way we feel we need it. Because about five years ago, there was a concept that taking care of yourself meant going for a manicure and seeing a beautician.
This is not true. Quality self-care is knowing your needs and meeting them in a timely manner. For some it's a manicure, and for others it's sitting in the bath. two hours, and for some it's like running.
It is everyone's responsibility and ours to learn this, learn to understand ourselves and satisfy this. A very important point to realize.
Well, in general, it's great that we're changing. Yes, in general, it seems to me that a person has a very great ability to grow and change. And if you don't change, then something is wrong.
This is me now, so that you can synchronize yourself, check yourself. What am I leaning towards? To the point that I observe how the way Ukrainians relax is changing. If many people were getting angry, sitting on weekends, gossiping, and staying up all night, now that's all changing.
And the resource doesn't fill up when you do it on vacation. And it fills up when you have quality sleep, when you have quality exposure to the air, some physical activity. You can sit and lie there on the beach for a few days, but not grilled chicken, which then can't reach the room, and the next day can't go out again because it's gone.
Damn, this is so stupid. For me, this is just a serious mystery. Well, each person has an individual level of fatigue. We also need to understand that we can conditionally consider ourselves like a battery on an iPhone.
There is a red level, a yellow level, and a green level. If a person is in the red level and has 1-2% there, then perhaps a grilled chicken diet for 10 days will really help them. Ugh.
It's like putting your phone on charge and leaving it alone. Great, let it be. If a person was at the yellow level and they grilled chicken for two days, and then they want to go on excursions, read something, drive somewhere, communicate with someone, because they are already at the green level and they are exactly like us, first we have an element of such basic recovery to start functioning again, and then we further recover due to behavioral activation, that is, resource activities that restore us. Ugh.
Sport. Ma, I actually made a plan for myself this summer, a bunch of activities, uh, with all sorts of interesting things. Bouquet master class.
Yesterday I was taught to distinguish scents in perfumes. There's a jazz concert before that. Yes, that is, so that I have some memories and emotions in the moment that can fill me. Of course, we shouldn't overdo it with this either, because if we have seven activities in a week, then on the eighth day we will want to blow our brains out, because we will experience sensory fatigue, emotional fatigue, social fatigue, and the like.
But we have to find our own balance, where on the one hand I can have one day a week, I call it a vegetable day, when I lie down like a zucchini and that's it. And some other behavioral activities that fill me up.
But you need to have strength to be active. And if a person is at zero, they must be a grilled chicken. That's okay too.
Ugh. And our daily ritual of taking time for ourselves? It should be, if so, how to get rid of the guilt for resting, when you could do a lot of useful things during that hour. understand that there are a billion studies showing that if you are not resting at this moment, but doing something useful, then your effectiveness in strategic terms is almost zero.
We must realize this. This is the same thing I saw today with a colleague, uh, she was reading a book about perfectionism and highlighted a quote there. You can really achieve maximum results with your team in a quarter, but most likely half of your team will leave next quarter.
Same with the individual level. Yes, we can work for another hour at this moment, meditate in English, do something else, but the day after tomorrow you, well, you'll just get sick at some point. We need to understand that when we are in a state of exhaustion, it's not just our emotional health that suffers.
We get nervous there, something else, but we can get anxiety disorders, depression, but we can just get a cold. Our chronic health problems may worsen and we will pay for it.
When the printer needs to be refilled for it to print. In order for the phone to work, it needs to be charged. In order for Inina Sokolova to be effective, she needs to spend four days at sea.
Amen. Friends, I think that Bohdan did not advise and the analysis of what should happen to you so that you do not feel guilty and have rest was convincing now. So please do it.
Write in the comments whether you feel guilty, or have similar feelings in general, or what gave you a break, as if you have already done it and others will read and draw conclusions. It was Bogdanova Ligura 5522.
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